Norv Does It Again

On Sunday we were reminded again why we need Norv Turner back. Not only did his team beat the Indianapolis Colts, thus securing the Niners the 28th pick in the draft rather than the 31st. But he did it in incredibly unspectacular fashion, thus advancing the Bring Norv Back movement.

Norv, please keep up the great work.

We miss you.

Niners Tuesday: MNF Wrap-up

Emmitt Smith with a breakdown of the Niners offensive woes:


Wait. What?

Niners Friday: We're Sorry, Too

Nancy's Gay's piece today pretty much sums it up.

Oh, and the stadium in Santa Clara is screwed up again. Those Yorks sure know how to run a top-notch organization.

Niners Thursday: Is It Over yet?

Mixed it up a little yesterday. Today let's catch up on the happenings around the team:

• Roderick Green was re-signed to be a pass rushing threat. You mean the current guys aren't getting it done? I hadn't noticed. Also, the team canceled practice yesterday. Because, let's be honest, they're just too good for that shit.

• Justin Smiley joins Jonas Jennings on the "done for the year" tip. I think we've seen the last of Mr. Smiley in a 49ers uniform. Good thing we went out and got Joe Staley to shore up the line. I forget what we gave up to get him, whatever it was, it was a steal.

• Generic - "49ers are terrible" article. Except that Crumpacker blames Norv, too. We need you, Norv. You hear me? We need you.

• Mid-season grades. It's not pretty. What a revelation Andy Lee has been, though.

• Shaun Alexander is questionable for Monday. Whoot.

That's about it fo the link-fest that was today's post. Just a reminder to get your madlib letters to the 49ers. Hell, if you cc me, I'll post them up here, too. Creativity, folks. That's the ticket.

Ughh

Schrager nails it. I usually enjoy his buffet columns. Today was just painful to read.

Niners Wednesday: Norv in '08

It is time, folks, to step up and heed your duty as 49ers fans. Before we begin, I will present some statistics:

Yards/Game: 224.3 (32 out of 32)
Rush Yards/Game: 91.5 (26 out of 32)
Pass Yards/Game: 132.8 (32 out of 32)
Points/Game: 13.0 (31 out of 32)

The offense has been horrid. Andy Lee is the current MVP. Frank Gore has made comments about the players not having confidence in Jim "Hoss" Hostler. Which is why the royal we here at West Coast Offensive are kicking off our very first letter writing campaign. This is a 2 part full on blitzkrieg that we expect to result in the return of Norv, and ultimately a place in the playoffs.

Because we despise form letters, though, we've thoughtfully made our letter a madlib. If you don't know how to fill out a madlib, you were probably abused and neglected as a child. We apologize on behalf of your parents. Let the campaign commence:

Dearest Coach Nolan,

First, I would like to begin by saying that you look absolutely ____________(adj.) in those suits. And your new goatee really brings out your ____________(n.).

I am writing to you about the offensive woes of your team, our team, the 49ers. It is painful for me that the team has played so ____________(adv.) and I'm sure it's only worse for you. I mean, seriously, they have been completely ____________(adj.). They would stand a better chance if they were a ____________(n.) fighting a ____________(n.). The stench coming off of this team is worse than a ___________(n.) covered in ___________(n.).

But I'm truly not here to criticize. I'm here to ___________(v.). It seems that a large part of the problem is that ____________(n.), Hostler. The players don't trust him, and haven't been able to execute his ____________(adv.) thought out schemes. Which is why, to return to respectability, I suggest re-hiring the man, the myth, the ___________(n.), Norv Turner. Norv has been a rousing failure in San Diego, and it is time they _________(v.) his ass. So why not speed up the process a little bit and bribe them with ___________(n. pl.)? The Chargers will be ____________(adj.) to get rid of him, and he cannot possibly be any ___________(adv.) than Hostler.

So let's get this ball rolling. VERNON is a ____________(n.), and the running game looks to be coming around. How about jump starting this whole thing with a little bit 'o Norv?

You're the ____________(n.).

Salutations.

______________________(your name or your favorite psuedonym)

Letters that have been completed can be sent to:
Mike Nolan
c/o San Francisco 49ers
4949 Centennial Blvd.
Santa Clara, CA 95054

or MNolan@niners.nfl.com


I'm going to see if we can get some Chargers fans on the bandwagon as well, and really make this a duel pronged approach. Kind of like an Eiffel Tower. With Norv Turner in the middle. Gross.

So go ahead. Write a letter. In fact, it's your duty. If you don't, you probably don't believe in democracy. Or Eddie D's right to riverboat gambling. And that, my friend, is the real tragedy here.

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners Tuesday: Fire Nolan Now!

Naw... just kidding. I like Nolan. And his snappy dressing. But the hounds have been unleashed:

• Exhibit I

• Exhibit B

• Exhibit 3

So here we are at 2-6, with the Colts 1st round pick in the next draft. Things are looking bleak. There is little hope for a turnaround this year, especially with all the injuries. Right?

The crazy part? With a win on Monday, the 49ers will be only a game out of 1st place. Things are bad, yes. But let's not lose all hope yet. The atrocious NFC west provides some opportunities for wins, and wins beget confidence, something that has been sorely lacking.

Get a chip on your collective shoulder, boys. Otherwise all I can do is root against the Colts and hope for a pick somewhere in the top 20 (which we all know isn't going to happen unless there's a severe mechanical malfunction with Peyton Manning's laser rocket arm).

Niners Monday: They Are Who We Thought They Were

Surprise! The 49ers lost again. Who would have thought?

Against a very bad 1-6 Falcons team, the 49ers couldn't manage to keep their proverbial mistake monster in their proverbial pants, proverbially speaking, that is. Bad defense, dropped passes and turnovers killed any chance the Niners had to steal a win in the ATL (you know it's bad when you have to "steal" one from a one-win team).

Here's all the round-up I have the heart to read:

• Game grades. The Niners are posting a solid 1.7 GPA for the year.

• Here's an idea I endorse fully. Speed up the O. Spread offense? Why not? It can't be worse than what's currently going on out there. And successful or not, it'll be a hell of a lot more fun to watch. Which is Mike Nolan's job. To entertain me.

• The Niners had their best rushing day of the year yesterday. Hopefully this is more of an indictment of the Atlanta defense than Frank Gore. Either way, good for you Mo Hicks. Mr. Robinson, fumble aside, you also had a nice day.

• And here's just what we needed to see. My personal man-crush, P. Willis, broke a bone in his hand. He's not expected to miss action. But honestly, can anything else possibly go wrong for this team? I'm half expecting to hear that a case of the mumps has hit team HQ and the entire secondary will be out for Monday night.

• Seriously. This is outrageous.

• Ray Ratto. Please stop typing your overly complicated prose, in which you actually say nothing new. It's just annoying.

At least we can still count on Moran:

Niners Friday: And We're Back

If I could condense this 49ers season into one evening, it would pretty much look like this this.

After a few days off to rest, and collect myself, WCO is back and will be operating in full next week.

A few thoughts on this season:

• The weight of the expectations coming in has made this 5 game slide much more excruciating.

• As has the 2-0 start and the excitement it brought with it.

• The offense is horribly boring to watch. If I did not root for the 49ers, I would not even consider watching their games.

• The defense has been hit and miss, but the last couple weeks it has looked like much more missing than hitting.

• Mike Nolan needs to get his guys up. For the most part they are all still saying the right things. But this season the 49ers have the personnel to be a competitive team. On Sundays they have not been executing. That certainly rests on the players, but a good coach will bring out the best from his players. That has not been happening as of yet.

• The veterans need to step up. Some of the weakest performances and biggest mistakes have come from the older guys on the team. Jonas Jennings and Larry Allen, I'm looking at you. Joe Nedney, you can't be sending kick-offs out of bounds.

• This season is not lost. For all the despair right now, the 49ers were 2-5 last year, and ended up very much in the playoff hunt. Especially in a weak NFC West, nothing is over.

• The Atlanta Falcons are the perfect team to play right now, if the 49ers are going to turn this around.

Being a 24 year old 49ers fan, it's difficult to have the perspective of some of the old-timers. For the vast majority of my life the 49ers have been super bowl contenders. I didn't have to live through the lean times of the Steve DeBerg era. The expectations are high, and it's extremely frustrating to have this storied franchise not in the title hunt. That said, I still think they are on the right track, and the next time they get there it is going to be all the sweeter because we're living through this heartburn inducing era.

Until then, we can still cherish the fact that the 49ers are one of the most storied franchises in all of sports, and we were lucky enough to witness it:

Niners Tuesday: Rock On, Joe Nedney

Joe Nedney and I are pretty much on the same page.

Unfortunately, I have a real job and Joe Nedney doesn't. Hopefully Good, Bad & Ugly will rear its proverbial head later today. Work may get in the way, though.

Niners Monday: Devastating

Wow. Just wow.

Niners Friday: Let's Do This!

Alright. Big game between two 2-4 titans of the NFC. Smith-Bush. Bush-Smith. Let's do this.

• Reggie Bush, shmeggie bush.

• A-Smith is A-OK! How long until people are calling for Shaun Hill? Over under: 4:00 left in the 1st quarter

• No more excuses. But they got hosed.

• But really, no more excuses. Actually, I'm OK with the excuses. It means there's still hope that if the ball bounces their way they may win. If they don't use excuses, then they're just bad. That's much more depressing.
  

• Hah... Vernon Davis running the Drop Zone. Good one, Ann. Hoooo boy.

As for this weekend? Both teams are in desperate need of a win. Alex Smith returns for the 49ers and if anything can jumpstart the anemic offense it's the Saints miserable D. Here we go:

49ers 45 - Saints 3

Hah. Gotcha! Seriously. What an idiot. 45 points from the 49ers? Right. Here's a joke forwarded to my e-mail this week. It's corny, but damn if it ain't true:

A guy walks into a bar wearing a 49ers jersey and carrying a cat that's also wearing a 49ers jersey.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the 49ers game here? My TV is broken and my cat and I always watch the game together".

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The guy agrees, and he and his cat start watching the game.

Pretty soon the Niners kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.

The bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! Does he do that for every field goal?"

The guy nods, "Yeah, every time."

The bartender asks, "What does he do for a touchdown?"

The guys answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years."

So... seriously, here it is:

49ers 12 - Saints 10

There will be more Nedney than New Orleans can contain this weekend. In fact I'm feeling rather ill today. I think it's fever. And I'm pretty sure the only cure is more Nedney:

BOOM!

Admission: I am a John Madden lover. Yes, I know he doesn't have the insight of say, Ron Jaworski. And his schtick may be a little tired at this point. But, well, this clip just about sums it up:

Niners Thursday: Party On, Dudes!

Tomorrow we can preview the NO matchup. For now we'll stick to analysis of limey bastards, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and the wonderful hint of lime found only in Miller Chill (as delivered by Michael Lewis):

• KSK has a fascinating dissection of the American Football match being contested in Wembley this Sunday, October 28 in the Year of Our Lord 2007.

• Scott Ostler has a mostly assnine piece about Alex Smith and his "look." Scott, it's pretty simple. Beard=Success. This has been proven time and again by such luminaries as Baron Davis (baller beard), Jesus (holy beard), Abraham Lincoln (chinstrap beard), Karl Marx (communist beard), and ZZ Top (completely rockin beard).

• Beer Man!

• Eric Johnson will be back in town. He was always hurt, but at least he didn't come with the high expectations of Vernon. That way it was way less disappointing when he missed half of every season.

• Lelie may get to start on Sunday. No way! Sign a big name guy and actually play him? I can see the gears working in Nolan's head as I type.

• Hooray! Only 3rd worst in the Bay Area at disappointing fans! Someone pop the bubbly!

• Could the 49ers do better than Nolan next season? Quick answer: probably not. Also guaranteed, no one would even come close in stylish threads. So what's the rush to replace the guy?

Manny, I hope your recovery is going well:

"So, I had never had surgery before but they draw on your leg so they know which one to cut on. I guess that’s a good thing because I would have been highly upset had they done surgery on the good knee."

The Trent Dilfer Era Comes to a Close (Hopefully)

Numero Once looks to be the starter on Sunday. This is good news, in case you were unsure.

Niners Wednesday: We Still Have History to Fall Back On

Morning, folks. In case you'd forgotten, the Niners are pretty much the most storied team of all time. Suck it, Brady.



Here are some links the the internet for your browsing pleasure. Personally, I find that there's much better ways to get browsing pleasure than articles about the 49ers, if you know what I mean.
< wink > < nudge >

• Carmen, I hope you're using a little more than "passion," but your work is appreciated nonetheless. Worst case, we can always slander Santa Clara.

• The next four games hold the key to the season. NO, ATL, SEA and STL. If the Niners can't come out with at least 2 wins, they'll be toast. It's worth remembering, though, that they started 2-4 last year.

• Let's hope A.Smith is back on Sunday. If you haven't noticed, Trent Dilfer ain't all that and a slice of bread.

• Niners Nation has a nice preview of the Saints. If there was ever a game to get our offense going, it's this Sunday. New Oreleans' pass defense has more holes than its levies. Hooooooo. ZING! See what I did there? I took something football related and made a pun based on current events from 2 years ago. Bet you never would have thought of that. And that's why I'm in charge here, kiddo.

• Shorter first round in the NFL draft this year. Hell yeah. I have a feeling that Indy pick we're holding might come somewhere near the end of the round. Call it a hunch.

Think this guy is available on Sunday? He's probably still better than anyone on our roster. And what a dancer!

Daily Moment of Zen

More Nedney!

This has surfaced before, but in the wake of Rob Bironas' 8 FG effort last weekend, we thought we'd re-hash BradyFan83's tribute to Nedney:


And what's his tune now? Well here's what he has to say:

• He is better than Nedney / He speaks to me / No restraining order on / By Bironas

Well played, BradyFan. Well played.


I'll still take Nedney, though:


h/t [With Leather]

Niners Tuesday: Mopping Up

Not a lot of real news today. Lot of frustration, though. Let's get through the articles and think about something nicer. Like the Pro Bowl Cheerleaders. Anyway, here are the links:

• More on Gore and his frustration. Frank, baby, you're not the only one. No need to apologize.

• Kawakami has a great piece on the unsaid implications of Nolan's press conference yesterday. Basically, the guys who are staying unerringly positive are bullshitting you. Nolan's got some tough choices, but this season's not over. Long way to go, in fact.

• Will #11's return change anything? Maybe kinda sorta.

• Anti-stadium folks are gearing up in Santa Clara. Roll on, you protesters. Especially you, Granny Marian Bush:

• "Several residents at the event said they agreed. Raging Granny Marian Bush, 90, said she's against the project, but 'I need more information so I know what I'm raging about.'"

That's it.

So how 'bout a little of this on Sunday?

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners v. Giants: the Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Another ugly game yesterday. The good, the bad and the ugly:

The Good:

• The defense. They were solid again after being put in tough situations all game long. 4 turnovers by the offense kept them backed up, yet they yielded very little and virtually shut down the NYG offense on a full-length field.
  
• Patrick Willis. Guess who lead the team in tackles. Willis? How'd you know? If this guy isn't the NFL Defensive ROY, well, I don't know what I'll do. But he should be. That's alls I'm saying.
  
• Andy Lee. Can we officially begin the Andy Lee for Pro Bowl campaign? It's pretty depressing that our punter is the one offensive Pro Bowl candidate we have (maybe Clements or Willis on defense?).
• Continuing the theme, the special teams get a spot under "good." A blocked punt for a safety? Moran Norris, you can be my wingman anytime.
  
• It's a stretch, but I'm going to give "Hoss" a spot here. I've ridden him all year for his conservative, predictable play-calling, but on Sunday he mixed up formations and called more passing plays than all season to this point. Utilizing Lelie more made a big difference in the down-field game, and the Giants didn't seem to know what was coming most of the time.
  

The Bad:

• Frank Gore. I love the guy's heart and can't question his hustle. But the fumbles have got to stop. He's gotten a lot of slack because of the season he put up last year. But at what point do this year's results matter more than last season? Because he's not a top back in the league this year. And that won't change until he holds on to the ball and actually puts up a 100 yard game or two.
• The Giants' fans' wit:

The Ugly:

• Trent Dilfer. I really don't think too much explanation is necessary here. But let's just say that a better QB would not have accounted for 3 turnovers (maybe 4 depending on who you blame for the bad transfer with Gore).
• The offensive line. I was gonna move them up to "bad" because the NYG defensive line is pretty damn good and several of the sacks could have been avoided if Dilfer could actually move. But six sacks is unacceptable. And the running game was decidedly mediocre. Not to mention penalties. Yeah, when you think about it these guys really were bad.

Conclusions:

• The Forty Niners should have been in this game. NY seems to be a good team this year, but not 33 points good. The defense only gave up 9 points that weren't off turnovers. Any offensive production, whatsoever would have put them in the thick of things. I liked the gameplan, so I guess it comes down to execution. Mr. Gore asserted that the players aren't buying into Hoss' calls. The personnel should be good enough to at least be an average offensive team. So either they all need to sit down on the same page and get things straightened out, or someone has to go. Mr. Nolan, take control of your offense and hammer this shit out. It's not working right now.
  

Niners Monday: Andy Lee For MVP!

Wow, what a game! A blocked punt! An interception! Hell, they even had a passing touchdown! Does it get any better? Sure, they lost. By a lot. But it's the little things, boys. The little things.

Nice goatee, coach:


Too bad fantastic facial hair couldn't rejuvenate our offense. I think it's going to take at least a mohawk to get things rolling. Perhaps even a mullet.

• Yesterday proved, however that it's certainly not the location of "Hoss" that's been the problem.

• Apparently the players aren't all on board with the playcalling. I wasn't, either, but I thought he was a lot more creative yesterday. Execution was another issue.
• The offensive line wasn't getting it done. You don't say.

• But Nolan's claiming the offensive line changes were pre-meditated. I wish he'd start to bench some fools for bad play. Maybe that would send a message. Something along the lines of "stop sucking".

• Kudos to the editor who wrote this headline. "Dilfer Has Knack for Game-Losing Plays" - It's funny cause it's true.

• Game grades. Woooooooooooo Andy Lee! You the man!

I can't really write any more about this. It's taking precious minutes out of what otherwise might be a perfectly nice Monday. The Good, The Bad & The Ugly will be out sometime this afternoon.

Adios.

That's Mexican for "Go away, Dilfer."

Random Fan Pic Of The Day

I don't really care to post random pictures of people I don't know unless
a) They are Patrick Willis
b) They are really hot.

This picture meets neither criteria, but I'm making an exception just for that Ulbrich jersey in the background. Seriously. Who has a Jeff Ulbrich jersey? Kudos to you, Jeff Ulbrich Jersey Man. You are truly a one of a kind.

Niners Friday: Let's Do This!

Big game this weekend in NY New Jersey. Trent Dilfer will be starting. Once he's knocked out of the game by Osi Umenyiora, Alex Smith will re-take the reigns. Vernon will be playing, so hopefully the offense will be able to complete a pass or two.

Here is your game preview.

My biggest issue... why the sunglasses, dude? And the headset? Is this getup really necessary?


There's not much in the way of news today. We'll have more this afternoon.

Niners Thursday: The Juggernaut that is the San Francisco 49ers

Wow... I leave town for a couple days and this place goes to hell. The whole idea behind a daily post is that it goes up once each day. Next time try not to blow your whole load on the first day, huh? Time to try and regain my 7 regular readers before they leave for good. Thanks, Roman.

How good do these throwbacks look? Oh yeah, and I like Patrick Willis. Like a lot.


Links? You want links?

• You can't stop the 49ers offense. You can only hope to contain 'em.

• Tittle, Brodie, Montana, Young... DILFER!

• Oh Antonio, how we miss you.

Now that we've got all that out of the way, time to "acccccentuate the positive... eeeeeliminate the negative"

• As discussed during my regrettable absence. The NFC West is in shambles. Hooray, mediocrity. Now if we could just get a Big 10 team or two to join in the fun...

• If you don't love Patrick Willis, well, you're with the terrorists.

• The Niners have "building blocks." I'd prefer "good football players."

So we're getting back in the swing of things. Tomorrow should be a little sharper, and hopefully we'll be ready for gametime come Monday when we need to deconstruct what looks to be a barn burner against the Giants on Sunday.

49ers Tuesday: We Are the Best Team in Football

Ha....gotcha. Wow, the good old days.

So I was watching Niners/Ravens "Miked Up" on the NFL Net and have a couple of observations:

1. More and more I blame the offense on Hostler. While the buck stops at Nolan, it is clear he gave offensive responsibilities to Hostler for the season and Jim hasn't held up his end of the bargain. What also scares me is our options at the end of the year. Is ASmith really going to have to work with another new coordinator this off-season??

2. While editing may have cut this, it didn't look like Nolan had anything to do with the final play call of "Delay Right" to #21 on the possible game winning drive. All Hostler.

3. Derrick Mason talks a lot of shit for being such a mediocre receiver.

4. Ed Reed/Ray Lewis are as smart as they are physically talented. They seemed to know what we were doing on every play. Wait, maybe that's because the entire stadium new what we were doing on every play...

5. The game was as boring as I remembered.

A couple of links:

http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/49ers/archives/008664.html
Good news on the injury front. #11 and #85 may be back for the Giants game.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=10&entry_id=21164
I'm sorry, but I don't know how Crumpacker keeps his job. Another idiotic story. Idiot.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/10/14/SPH1SOP4F.DTL
Sorry Mike, but the problem is not the sportswriters...its our players and play-calling.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/sportsnation/ratings
Coach Nolan gets a 54% approval rating. Count me in the majority.

More coming this afternoon.

Patrick Willis Highlights

Enjoy....

Daily Moment of (Improved) Zen

I thought I would give our friends down in San Diego a chance on the site. I introduce to you Summer, my favorite Charger girl.

Niners Monday: Get out the way Old Dan Tucker

For better or worse, I have been asked by Commissioner Grey to step in for a couple of days while he is farming cabbage in Oregon. I'm no expert, but a trip to Oregon in the middle of October doesn't sound too promising... Forecast for the next three days:

Monday: Rain
Tuesday: T-Shower/Wind
Wed: Rain/Thunder

Let's hope the Commish makes it back, because God knows I can't keep this up very long. Now on to some football:

The bye week couldn't have come at a better time. Injuries needed healing, play-calling needed adjusting, and if we had another home game yesterday, my man crush for #52 would have become illegal in 48 states. While we have been TERRIBLE in the last two games, thanks to another pathetic showing by our compatriots in the NFC West, the Niners find themselves right in the mix at 2-3. The two teams ahead of us are not looking strong.

We have already beaten the Buzzsaw, they just lost to a team led by Vinny Testaverte, and their QB issues make Trent Dilfer look like the second coming of Dan Marino. Hey Cardinal's fans: get ready for the Tim Rattay era!

The Seahawks are not a good football team. I would write more, but a team this boring doesn't deserve any in-depth analysis. Honestly, do you know anybody who is a Seahawks fan who wasn't born in the Seattle/Tacoma area? The only thing that makes me nervous is their schedule, it is ridiculously easy. Take a look for yourself: http://www.nfl.com/teams/schedule?team=SEA

One BIG problem I had with the bye week...this "suggestion box" Nolan has put in. There is no quicker way to create locker-room issues then allowing players to anonymously call people out, especially after losing three in a row. According to a report on KNBR, one the suggestion cards read: "Get a new head coach". Probably not a good thing for team chemistry... I only wish we had this suggestion box during the BLloyd era, that would have been priceless

And on to the bukkake:

http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/49ers/archives/008649.html
The faithful are grumbling and Coach Nolan is taking the brunt. There are two sides to this coin: It is painfully obvious that Nolan needs to open the playbook, but how about some credit for that defense? He is a defensive guy first, so I put most of this blame on Hostler. Here is to hoping Norv gets canned down in SD by week 8 and we can pick him back up.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/10/14/SPH1SONDS.DTL
I have a fever...and the only cure is less Andy Lee. One of the most pathetic moments in recent Niners' history was when The Nedney won team MVP honors in 2005. Lets hope Andy Lee doesn't follow in his footsteps. Lee is certainly having a year though.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2000_NFL_Draft
The 2000 NFL draft. Please scroll down to pick #65. Then please scroll down to pick #199. Then please remove gun from mouth...it will be ok. While I'm going to puke the next time I hear some idiot on the WWL compare Brady to #16, there is no denying he is putting together a nice little career. And its not like we've had QB issues the last 5 years or antyhing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_Ay_gzLZTY
Greatest Of All Time is now Supermanning all over Georgetown's Midnight Madness?? Wow. So many questions....

And nothing better than a Niners Glory Days shot on Monday morning:
http://www.cnnsi.com/football/nfl/superbowl/summaries/images/sb29.gif"

That is all for now, I'll be back soon.

Daily Moment of Zen

By request, Katie:

Niners Friday: Terry's Special Pain Cake!

Not much news today... Ashley Lelie will play more. Did it really take this long for the coaching staff to figure out that a big fast receiver might be a good idea. Really?

So because it's Friday, and I don't have much else in the way of news, here's a smorgasborg of nifty links.

• The 10 grimmest cheerleaders in the NFL. No Gold Rush Girls made it. Woot!

• Wow. I'm not saying this guy is an idiot. Well actually, yes, I'm saying this guy is an idiot. It's impressive devotion, though, I'll give him that.

• Ratto! I've got an idea for a new reality TV show. It's called Thunderdome: Ratto v. Walrus

v.

• Coach Kane sent me an e-mail yesterday lamenting that we don't have TO anymore. Gonna be honest, I kinda miss him, too.

• Two other things I miss?

• Terry Tate: Office Linebacker:

• And our offense:

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners Thursday: Antonio Bryant's Ass

Morning. Some interesting developments regarding the Santa Clara stadium. And more ass pics. Because I know that's what you want. Read on:

• Antonio Bryant on the brain? I was just thinking it's been too long since I've seen his ass:
• 

• Nolan thinks the meetings held earlier this week were productive. I'm withholding judgment until after the NYG game. I will say, though, that I'm pretty sure the captain of the Titanic started out by telling everybody that the collision was nothing to be concerned about. I'll believe the improvement when I see it.

• The stadium in Santa Clara is looking like another boondoggle. Mr. York, well played sir, well played.

• Great America is open to selling. Or their just trying to negotiate for a higher lease. Or they have no idea what they want because they've changed from pro-stadium to anti-stadium to stadium-neutral back to anti-stadium. Confusing, ain't it?

• Of course Santa Clara, which is already balking at shelling out $500,000 for consultants regarding the stadium, would have to approve of a Great America sale. Very interesting.
  

• "That was news to McCarthy, who said the sale of the amusement park would require city approval and would be partially contingent on the prospective park operator’s 'proven financial ability to operate a park in a first-class manner.'"

• Stay classy, San francisco: "San Francisco city officials would not give an official response to calls for comment, but off the record, several expressed glee at the turn of events."

• And to avoid operating a theme park, the 49ers are considering a new site in the Great America overflow parking. They say it's better. If that's the case, why didn't they go there first? Seriously, I think they need to hand this project over to someone more qualified. I'm nominating Bob the Builder.

• Nolan wants to better utilize his personnel. You can be we'll be seeing a lot more Ashley Lelie. There's other assorted notes as well, most interestingly Nolan does not want to be the Ravens West. You have me fooled, Mr. Nolan, but I hope you're serious.

Also, noted in a number of the reports, Alex Smith was zipping some 20 yard passes yesterday. Excellent news for his potential return. As of now they're saying "questionable" for the New York game. He's no Trent Dilfer, but hey, who is?

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners Wednesday: Carmen Policy Works His Magic

Big news out of Santa Clara yesterday. Apparently scared by the mere mention of Carmen Policy's name, Great America (actually the owner: Cedar Fair Corp.) has declared that they don't want the new stadium to be built in their parking lot. The 49ers are considering buying Great America to keep their bid alive. I would love to see the Yorks run an amusement park.

Let's get this thing on Hunter's Point done, huh? It's beautiful out there.


What's that you say? It actually looks like a toxic waste dump? Always such a Debbie Downer...


Here are the rest of the stories from today (and the ones I missed from yesterday):

• The Niners got a new receiver! Just what we need. Another guy who has "potential" or "upside" but doesn't produce at the NFL level. Seriously. When is the draft? Can we just sign DeSean Jackson right now?

• Mike Nolan seems like a bit of a hardass. Apparently he's a softy at heart. Batten down the hatches, Mike. The media ain't the problem. Your scaredy-cat offense is.

• Singletary is leading the defense the right way. No finger pointing or excuses. I'm in love with our defense. And Patrick Willis.

• "'Whatever it takes to win. That'll be our motto going forward. To me, that's really the bottom line,' Singletary said sternly."

• And finally, a great piece on the offense and what's ailing it. Matt Maiocco, I heart you.

• "The coaches need to show more confidence in the offensive players, especially when Alex Smith gets back in the lineup. This needs to show up in the play-calling. Smith should be encouraged to adopt more of a gun-slinger mentality. Don't be so afraid to screw up now and then. The team would be better off because of it."

Lastly, a real throwback clip... the Niners first playoff game ever. They defeated the Vikings 17-14 in Minnesota to advance to the NFC Championship Game:

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners Tuesday: Lots of Good Questions

Nolan & Co. are feeling the heat for the incredibly conservative anemic offense (as well they should) and now have they bye week to figure it out. Here's a roundup of the news coming out of Santa Clara:

• Assorted shorts from the Chron. Alex Smith is improving rapidly. Jonas Jennings will be back. And Harvey Dahl has been signed off our practice squad by the Falcons. Harvey, you will be missed. Not really by me. But I'm sure you've got some friends on the team or something who will probably miss you. At least I hope you have some friends. Otherwise I just kinda feel sad for you.

• Not only is Alex Smith rapidly improving, but it's 100% he'll be active for the NYG game says Matt Maiocco of the Press-Democrat. Hooray, Alex.

• John Crumpacker, beat reporter for the Chronicle, is a curmudgeon. Crumpacker=Curmudgeon. Think about it...

• More from Señor Curmudgeon. Offensive ineptitude: is it fixable?

• Here's the best piece I've found on the lack of production from Matt Barrows at the Sac-Bee. Mike Nolan doesn't seem to like Ashley Lelie, or else he's just fooling everybody by keeping him as a secret weapon:

• Asked today why Lelie hasn't played more, Nolan went from cautious to coy.

  "Good question," he said. "We've got a week to work on that.

  -- Are you saying he could see more playing time?

  "I'm saying, 'Good question. We've got a week to work on that,'" Nolan said. "Good question."

  -- Why hasn't he been in before?

  "Good question. We're going to work on that this week"

  -- Do you think he should have been in before?

  "Another good question."

• Glenn Dickey breaks it down. Basically: bad play calling + bad quarterbacking + mediocre blocking = Big problems on offense. When you put it that way, it all makes so much sense.

• So we all knew it was bad, but reading this re-cap of all the games on Sunday makes clear just how bad it was to an outside observer. Some choice excerpts:

• "The 49ers/Ravens game is underway, and the 49ers are punting (Trent Dilfer's not off to a hot start, I guess) ... Punter Andy Lee gets off a beautiful, high punt, and Shawntae Spencer is down at the goal line waiting for it, on his knees, fielding it like a ground ball. Ravens take over at the 1 ... that may be the best play of this entire game."

• "San Francisco punter Andy Lee is on again ... and holy fuck, this one goes for 74 yards and is downed at the 2. That is beautiful punting. Andy Lee is a one-man show ... I'm so glad this wasn't a Punjabi Prison Match."

• "Trent Dilfer at the half: 2-of-6, 8 yards. The 49ers, at the half: 26 plays, 56 yards. Punter Andy Lee is the 49ers best player, and everyone else is tied for last."

• "49ers punter Andy Lee is on again ... and this one's boomed for 64 yards. This guy's in the zone ... I don't know if I've ever seen a punter take over a game before."

• And finally, some good news. The Santa Clara stadium plan looks like it's hitting some serious road bumps in timing and additional money needed. Let's hope Mr. Policy can work some magic at the ballot box and the Hunter's Point plan can get some serious momentum.

Today's 49ers look alike: Alex Smith from Mount Union College. Not much information is available on Mr. Smith, but he sure looks like a fun guy to hang out with. Keep it up, Alex.

Niners v. Ravens: the Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Tough incredibly gruesome game yesterday. We're 5 games in and have a bye week. So at nearly the 1/3 mark, let's assess yesterday's debacle with an eye on the upcoming game vs. the Giants. The good, the bad and the ugly:

The Good:

• The defense. Granted they were playing one of the more anemic offenses in the NFL, but still. This unit is looking more and more like a shutdown squad. No turnovers yesterday, but Baltimore didn't get an offensive touchdown, and anytime you can do that, you give your team a chance to win. It looks like they'll have to do more, though, unless our offense decides that 1st downs might actually interest them.
  
• Patrick Willis. Led the team in tackles yet again. I've already professed my love for the rookie. In fact I've done nothing but ride his jock all season, and yet he still has not disappointed me. Amobi Okoye may have won NFL Rookie of the Month, but P Willy is #1 in my book. If I ever see him out, 2 beers. That's really all it would take.
  
• Andy Lee. It's a good thing you're so good. Because punting the ball away seems to be our best offensive play. Seriously, though, an average over 50yds and 2 punts inside the 5 is fantastic. You are approaching Nedney status.
• The offensive line. It might be stretching it to put this under "good" given that Frank Gore couldn't get going again. But after last week's disaster, and with Jonas Jennings out, we weren't expecting big things. Snyder stepped up nicely and Dilfer had as much time as could be hoped for against a tough defense like Balitmore. So kudos on the improvement.
  

The Bad:

• The WRs. This is becoming a theme. It's looking like getting a playmaker at WR should be the #1 off-season priority. The only highlights here were Gilmore's long catch followed up by Battle's touchdown. Darrell Jackson: 2 catches for 6 yards? I thought you were supposed to be a legit #1.
• The running game. I said after the Pittsburgh game that I wasn't too concerned about the running game picking it up. I'm becoming very concerned after 2 more weeks of feeble attempts to jam it up the middle.
• Joe Nedney. Nedney's my boy. But a 52 yarder to take the lead in the last few minutes of the game has got to be made. Who knows how things would have played out, but the way the defense was going, having a 10-9 lead would have put them in a great spot. I still love you, Joe. Just don't do that again.
  

The Ugly:

• Mike Nolan & Jim Hostler. I hear that Nolan is a defensive coach. The defense looks great. So good job, Mike. But just because you like defense and are good at it doesn't mean that we don't have to score any points. So how about at least trying on offense. With the conservative play-calling that you and Hostler have put together we've been going 3 and out practically every series. Why not try going deep a little? Worst case, we'll go 3 and out. That's certainly no worse than now, and you at least give the team a shot at getting something going. But if you never go deep we're gonna have to face 8 or 9 in the box all game long. Mr. Gore can only do so much when he's being gang tackled by both safeties who can pretty much play run all day long without fear of being beaten deep. Let's get a little creative here, yeah?
  

Conclusions:

• This team has a lot to figure out on the bye week. Most notably how to get this offense going. Right now they look worse than 2 years ago when Joe Nedney was the offensive MVP of the team. 5 games in it's even worse. Andy Lee is the offensive MVP. C'mon, fellas. How about trying something more than screen passes, draws and runs up the middle.
  

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners Monday: Thank Goodness It's the Bye Week

Wow... 9-7 in the most boring game I've watched in a long time. Here's the link round-up. Discussion to follow:

• The 49ers have no offense. Thanks, AP. Any more insightful commentary?

• More on the offense. Was it Nolan? Hostler? Dilfer? Who cares.

• Blandest. Offense. Ever.

• Random tidbits. Hey, at least the offensive line was better. Really? That's no consolation? Oh. Well I'm just sayin'...

• The Chron's game grades. They went easy on the offense. I really think a D- is pushing it. And you know things aren't good when your player of the game is your punter. Congrats, though, Andy.

• Will Hostler get stripped of play-calling duties? It seems to be a possibility. We can only hope so.

• Maybe they shouldn't be so predictable. Dive right, anyone?

• Finally, some good news. Carmen Policy is back in the bay heading up SF's attempt to keep the Niners. Hopefully he can work the same magic he did on the bond measure back in '97 for the now defunct stadium/mall plan at Candlestick Point. And can he bring Eddie D with him?
  

Stay tuned for the Good, the Bad & the Ugly later in the day.

Niners Friday: Let's Do This

Jonas Jennings won't play on Sunday for "undisclosed personal reasons". Definitely not what the team needs right now.

The Betting Fool opines on the Niners QB mess.

The Ravens won't be passing deep on Sunday. Let's hope the LBs can hold them on the short stuff.

Finally, on Sudnay we'll get our first look at Patrick Willis vs. Ray Lewis. Who's stoked? This guy.

Here's another classic pic. Because we can.

Daily Moment of Zen

And There Was Much Rejoicing

All the news on #11's shoulder is good news. He will hopefully be back for the Giants game on October 21st.

This makes Joe Montana happy:

Niners Thursday: Educate Yourself

Not a whole lot of news today. So here's a roundup of what's on the internet:

• Matt Maiocco has a great Q&A with a leading shoulder surgeon. Check it out. You might learn something.

• Bryan Gilmore will probably be the slot guy until Jason Hill is healthy. What the hell happened to Ashley Lelie? And could the Chronicle really not come up with a better headline than "Happy Gilmore slotted as No. 3 wide receiver"?

• Patrick Willis will soon be my favorite 49er. Keep it up P-Willy.

• Gwen Knapp does a good job analyzing the QB situation. I wish she would teach Ray Ratto some tips on writing a decent article.

• Lastly... does Matt Barrows look like an alien in the picture for his column? I think he might:

- Giovanni Fucking Carmazzi

< / freak out >

Thank goodness.

Daily Moment of Zen

This one's for you, Roman:

OJ's Greatest Hits

As a follow up to our "Whatever Happened to: OJ Simpson?" post, I've recently unearthed some classic clips of OJ.

No gloves? Get with the program, man.


I definitely would have harbored OJ.


Who knew he was a musician too:


For all the other stuff... he sure was damn good at football:

Niners Wednesday: Re-tooling for the Ravens

After last Sunday's dismal performance (which I'm still not fully over) the Niners have made some changes to get ready for Baltimore this weekend.

• Most notably they have cut Taylor Jacobs and re-signed Bryan Gilmore. Seems like it doesn't really matter who they're throwing to if Dilfer has no time to get off a pass. But what do I know?

• Matt Barrows disagrees. How about Lelie on a few long routes?

• They are working hard on finding some solutions on the offensive line... and they are looking for a possible 3rd QB to put on the roster. What's Jim Druckenmiller up to these days?
• Trent Dilfer, in the mean time, has been shit-talking Brian Billick. Wait? What's that? J/K!
  

• Matt Mosely says "chill out". It's easy for him, a Cowboys guy to say right now. Let's hope he's right that the Niners have something to prove this weekend. If it's anything like last weekend, all they'll prove is that the playoffs are a serious pipe dream.

• Lot's of people freaking out today due to an ESPN report that Alex Smith is getting a second opinion and considering surgery. Nolan has refuted that story, saying that while Dr. James Andrews is indeed reviewing the MRI it's not because they are considering surgery. He's the best there is, and they'd just be stupid not to see what he has to say. Also his tendons are fine... he tore both ligaments, but those will heal themselves.

These are dark days, huh? Let's get back to the good times:

Niners Tuesday: We Are the 49ers

After a serious let-down of a weekend, it's difficult to come back with the unadulterated enthusiasm that we'd like. So instead we'll be taking the day off to regroup so tomorrow can be an all-out blitzkrieg of Niners.

In the meantime, let's reflect on why we put ourselves through games like last Sunday and still come back:

Daily Moment of Zen

Smith Update

No surgery. It looks like 4-6 weeks, though they sound hopeful that it'll be sooner.

Niners Monday: Can We Just Pretend That Didn't Happen?

At least Mr. Willis didn't get hurt:

• The OL was not getting it done. If the offense is going to improve this season, it's gonna have to start up front.

• Ray Ratto sums it up. The 49ers were awful yesterday.

• The defense looked pretty good again yesterday, and the guy really turning heads is Marques Douglas.

• Game grades from the Chronicle. Personally, I give the offense an F-.
  

Reports have Alex Smith out for at least 4-6 weeks and possibly the year depending on his MRI results. I'll have some thoughts on the game and hopefully an update on Smith later today.

Daily Moment of Zen

Niners Friday: Let's Do This

Here's the roundup of links for the day:

• Great story about the Niners supporting Dick Nolan.

• Delanie Walker is ready to get it done in VERNON's place.

• Another tough opponent for the Niners.

• The beer-man doesn't have much mileage.

• Frank Gore is frustrated. So am I.
  

Another classic Niner photo:

Daily Moment of Zen

1.21 Gigawatts: This Week's Power Rankings

• Yahoo. Niners are at #13 and #17.

• Fox Sports. Niners are at #19.

• ESPN. Niners are #15.

• CBS. Niners are #14.

Great Scott!

Niners Thursday: Poor Explanations and Other Nonsense

• The head of NFL officiating tried to explain away the VD catch drop from last week's game. His explanation was the VERNON's second foot only came down because of contact from Polamalu and the ball subsequently hit the ground. This is more plausible, but completely different from the call during the game. Either way, I'm still convinced we got hosed.
  

• Darrell Jackson is digging the SF vibe. Too bad he's exactly 40 years too late.

• News and notes from 49erland. Of interest:
  • Nolan likes the job Staley's been doing
  • Nedney officially had a yard added to his FG after review this week
  • Jonas Jennings got hurt in practice but should play
  • Holmgren is denying he made comments about beating the 49ers
  • Same broadcast team as last week: Kenny Albert, Darryl "Moose" Johnson, Tony "Fatass" Siragusa
  • Manny had his ACL surgery

Your classic 49er pic of the day. We're gonna keep posting these up as long as we can keep finding them on this crazy contraption that is the internet:


- Jerry Fucking Rice

Daily Moment of Zen

Brittney:

Niners Wednesday: Walrus Fight!

Some big moderately important news out of Niners HQ yesterday. They dumped Brandon Williams as returner in favor of the beer-man. Seems like the most interesting aspect of this move is that it's the first Nolan-McGloughan pick in the first few rounds that hasn't panned out for the 49ers. Here's hoping this is the exception to the norm.

Walrus Fight!

Turns out LAllen was just trying to calm Mr. Jennings down after they let up a sack.

Here's a roundup of the interesting links for the day:

• Nancy Gay isn't a huge fan of on-the-job training, but is hopeful it will lead to improvements.
• Lowell Cohn of the Press-Democrat say's the 49ers need "it", but can't really define "it". Seems an awful lot like he's talking about confidence.
• USA Today has a profile of P-Willy.
• Maiocco agrees with John Clayton about the Niners losing the battle in the trenches.

I would be a fool not to include this while it's still up on YouTube:


- Kevin Fucking Gogan

Daily Moment of Zen

Johanna:

Alex Smith: Prime-Time Playa

I've sent this out to some of you via e-mail, but I thought it was worthy of a post. My boy Cleve was doing some browsing of the interweb and stumbled across this photo of Alex Smith:

First off, I'm glad to see that #11 parties a little. I'm glad he's no Sex Cannon, or miniature troll doll, but a little personality makes me like the guy a lot more.

So who is #11's girl? None other than the new Warrior Girl Heather. No, couldn't be, you say. Well, you be the judge:

Credit Cleve, who has sharp eyes, and was following the Warriors Girl Vote-Off perhaps a little too closely.

Alex still has a long way to go to unseat Sexy Rexy. So for now, we'll dub him the Sex Pistol. Mr. Smith, take down a few more Warriors Girls, or maybe some Raiderettes (*bonus points for rival cheerleaders) and we'll talk about upgrading your caliber.

Niners Tuesday: Excuses Are For Losers

Notes for this Tuesday:

• Shaun Alexander has a broken wrist. Jesus has offered to heal it by Sunday so Shaun can play. Don't expect much from him in pass catching or blocking situations, though.
• Some notes from Nolan's talk yesterday. Most notably, Larry Allen and Jonas Jennings apparently weren't fighting. It's too bad. As one commenter here observed, that would be an awful lot like a walrus fight. Put it on PPV and I'm there.
• Mark Clayton, on the importance of Casey Hampton on Sunday. He incorrectly asserts that this is the Niners third year in the 3-4, when it's really only the first. They have dabbled a little, but not had the correct personnel the last 2 seasons.
• As noted previously, VERNON is out for what looks like 2 games. Also in the article is the following from Coach Nolan, who refused to blame the refs. Saying:

  "Excuses are for losers."

Bravo, Coach Nolan. No one was happy about that call, but you seem committed to making this team strong enough where the balance of the game won't rest on one pivotal call that's out of your control. Did that call change the course of Sunday's game? Certainly. Would it have mattered if the 49ers had played lights out? Probably not. So work on the things you can control, and let us fans complain about the poor officiating.

I leave you with this:


- Mark Fucking Roman

VERNON DAVIS: Where Art Thou?

VERNON is out for a few weeks.

I mean, it's cool. Right? It's not like he was our only effective offensive weapon yesterday. That would totally invalidate all of Joe Nedney's hard work.