Track #1: "Crafty"
I haven’t really gone anywhere since the season ended, and it seems like they are really trying to send me home. All I do is work out and run and watch film, and now I guess they are trying to send a strong hint that I need to go away, go on vacation or get away from football because they have taken my weight room away from me. I have been kicked to the curb.
They are calling it a “re-modeling” but they know that I don’t know of any gyms around here to go to, and I don’t have one in my little neighborhood. And I don’t understand this treatment. It’s not like I loiter or walk around the building aimlessly bothering everyone. I have my routine, come in and I leave. I don’t think they love me any more.
I guess it is good that they are renovating our weight room, changing it and making it more efficient to players’ needs, but what about mine?
But I figured something out. If they take everything out of the weight room, where are they going to put it? Well, I discovered that they just shifted it to our locker room, so I can just lift in there. There’s always a loophole so in a few hours, I’ll be back in here getting my swole on. I’m sure they are laughing and thinking, “Let’s see if Manny can find the bench press.” Well, I found it.
Track #2: "My Best Friends"
So in a nutshell, I’m friendless right now with not much to do, but I do have my chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. That’s really the only friend I need.
Track #3: "Gangrene"
Speaking of which, I almost died the other day. I was taking out the trash and we have to break down the boxes because otherwise the trash people will not pick them up. So I’m breaking down this box and I get a cardboard cut right on my finger. If I didn’t rush up to the bathroom, soak it, peroxide, Neosporin and band-aid it, I could have died. Paper cuts are the leading killer out there. People don’t know this, but it’s true. They get infected real easily, turn green, orange and blue and whatever gets cut, falls off. Seriously.
Track #4: "Unconstitutional"
Other things that should be unconstitutional - if you don’t have peanut butter for one. It should be against the law if you don’t like peanut butter and jelly. I’d make a fine president one day as you can tell.
Track #5: "Fore"
I left North Carolina and went to Youngstown, Ohio. Dr. York invited me and some other guys out for the De Bartolo golf tournament they have to raise money for high school students to go on to college. Myself, Adam Snyder, David Baas, Brandon Moore and Delanie Walker all went to golf, and I’m not too sure any of us know how to golf very well. One time David and I were on two separate holes but his ball came over to my hole so I told him not to even worry about it because I was pretty sure when I teed off that my ball was going to travel towards his hole and we could just switch. It happened as I expected and I played his ball and he played mine.
I think they need to come up with another term rather than fore. That doesn’t seem to really get people to move. I teed off and sure enough I knew where my ball was going to go and I tried to warn them. Everyone was looking up, I said move, get out of the way, duck, run, protect yourself and that FINALLY got people to move. It happened to be David’s group so when he heard FORE, he didn’t hesitate like the rest of his group. I swore I saw him under the golf cart. As for the others, I can almost bet one of them got hit, so I apologize for that.
I blame my dismal golf game on the fact that I was golfing with clubs that were clearly made for Smurfs, you know the little blue people. These clubs were just not designed for a person of my unique golfing talents (and really my height).
Basically, Manny Lawson is the man.
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