Niners Wednesday: Norv in '08

It is time, folks, to step up and heed your duty as 49ers fans. Before we begin, I will present some statistics:

Yards/Game: 224.3 (32 out of 32)
Rush Yards/Game: 91.5 (26 out of 32)
Pass Yards/Game: 132.8 (32 out of 32)
Points/Game: 13.0 (31 out of 32)

The offense has been horrid. Andy Lee is the current MVP. Frank Gore has made comments about the players not having confidence in Jim "Hoss" Hostler. Which is why the royal we here at West Coast Offensive are kicking off our very first letter writing campaign. This is a 2 part full on blitzkrieg that we expect to result in the return of Norv, and ultimately a place in the playoffs.

Because we despise form letters, though, we've thoughtfully made our letter a madlib. If you don't know how to fill out a madlib, you were probably abused and neglected as a child. We apologize on behalf of your parents. Let the campaign commence:

Dearest Coach Nolan,

First, I would like to begin by saying that you look absolutely ____________(adj.) in those suits. And your new goatee really brings out your ____________(n.).

I am writing to you about the offensive woes of your team, our team, the 49ers. It is painful for me that the team has played so ____________(adv.) and I'm sure it's only worse for you. I mean, seriously, they have been completely ____________(adj.). They would stand a better chance if they were a ____________(n.) fighting a ____________(n.). The stench coming off of this team is worse than a ___________(n.) covered in ___________(n.).

But I'm truly not here to criticize. I'm here to ___________(v.). It seems that a large part of the problem is that ____________(n.), Hostler. The players don't trust him, and haven't been able to execute his ____________(adv.) thought out schemes. Which is why, to return to respectability, I suggest re-hiring the man, the myth, the ___________(n.), Norv Turner. Norv has been a rousing failure in San Diego, and it is time they _________(v.) his ass. So why not speed up the process a little bit and bribe them with ___________(n. pl.)? The Chargers will be ____________(adj.) to get rid of him, and he cannot possibly be any ___________(adv.) than Hostler.

So let's get this ball rolling. VERNON is a ____________(n.), and the running game looks to be coming around. How about jump starting this whole thing with a little bit 'o Norv?

You're the ____________(n.).

Salutations.

______________________(your name or your favorite psuedonym)

Letters that have been completed can be sent to:
Mike Nolan
c/o San Francisco 49ers
4949 Centennial Blvd.
Santa Clara, CA 95054

or MNolan@niners.nfl.com


I'm going to see if we can get some Chargers fans on the bandwagon as well, and really make this a duel pronged approach. Kind of like an Eiffel Tower. With Norv Turner in the middle. Gross.

So go ahead. Write a letter. In fact, it's your duty. If you don't, you probably don't believe in democracy. Or Eddie D's right to riverboat gambling. And that, my friend, is the real tragedy here.